THE DEVIL'S DICTIONARY

A

ABASEMENT, n.A decent and customary mental attitude in the
presenceof wealth of power.Peculiarly appropriate in an employee
whenaddressing an employer.

ABATIS, n.Rubbish in front of a fort, to prevent the rubbish
outsidefrom molesting the rubbish inside.

ABDICATION, n.An act whereby a sovereign attests his sense of
thehigh temperature of the throne.

Poor Isabella's Dead, whose abdication Set all tongues wagging in the
Spanish nation. For that performance 'twere unfair to scold her: She wisely
left a throne too hot to hold her. To History she'll be no royal riddle --
Merely a plain parched pea that jumped the griddle.

ABDOMEN, n.The temple of the god Stomach, in whose worship,
withsacrificial rights, all true men engage.From women this ancientfaith
commands but a stammering assent.They sometimes minister atthe altar in
a half-hearted and ineffective way, but true reverencefor the one deity that
men really adore they know not.If woman had afree hand in the world's
marketing the race would becomegraminivorous.

ABILITY, n.The natural equipment to accomplish some small part
ofthe meaner ambitions distinguishing able men from dead ones.In thelast
analysis ability is commonly found to consist mainly in a highdegree of
solemnity.Perhaps, however, this impressive quality isrightly appraised; it
is no easy task to be solemn.

ABNORMAL, adj.Not conforming to standard.In matters of thought
andconduct, to be independent is to be abnormal, to be abnormal is to
bedetested.Wherefore the lexicographer adviseth a striving toward
thestraiter [sic] resemblance of the Average Man than he hath to himself.
Whoso attaineth thereto shall have peace, the prospect of death andthe
hope of Hell.

ABORIGINIES, n.Persons of little worth found cumbering the soil of
anewly discovered country.They soon cease to cumber; they fertilize.

ABRACADABRA.